Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Kyiv, Ukraine - Warning, this contains some foul language/references

I will be making a trip to Kyiv next week. It is a very short trip - Sunday to Wednesday. So I have been researching what to see.

One site I came across was a Facebook site I found hilarious..... I will actually paste (instead of post the link here...) I am sure this was written by some teenage boys....

All of you who either live, have lived or plan to live in Kiev know(or should know) that it's a special place for veery special people. yes, it's rather a unique place...and we love it for that:DThat is why we shall make a long long list of things that you can see ONLY in Kiev (&things that are very common in this lovely place).*If anyone has any suggestions as to the list, then send us a message!*ONLY in Kiev..........................
1. Seeing a 10 year old kid with a bottle of bear in one hand and a cigarette in the other is no surprise, in fact, it's a given.
2. Are the insides of a public bus decorated to look like the interior of a church..however, maybe with even more icons plastered all over the walls.
3. A national protest is an everyday occurence.
4. You see half naked call girls being advertised on every other TV channel.
5. Have you or someone you know been beat up by skinheads.
6. Are there more political parties than you can count on your fingers...in fact, there are so many that i don't think using your toes would help either.
7. Do you (only for girls) get a flier asking what kind of husband do you prefer, the choice is broad actually.
8. Do you find a 60 year old guy with an 18 year old wife. In other places it's regarded as paedophilia.
9. Do you see a building process overlaping 10 years.
10. When you speak a foreign language do people look at you like at an amusement site.
11. When you smile at a stranger at night do they run and hug you and start talking to you as if you're their long lost friend (that is in the case they are drunk...which is most likely).
12. Do people have topograficheski kretenizm- sorry, untranslatable...the closest we got was: topographic kretenism.
13. Do clubs resemble a whore shack.
14. Does the red light mean absolutely nothing to the driver.
15. Can you buy any document you will ever need.
16. Can a girl rape a guy and pay only 15hrv ($3) for moral compensation.
17. When you wear bright orange do people associate it with politics.
18. Do you see a Soviet-time tractor driving on the highway.
19. Do you come across kisosks that are open 24/7 and sell anything ranging from food to condoms to vodka.
20. Will you see babushkas selling overly priced cigarettes by TGI.
21. When driving on the opposite lane (in case of trying to avoid a jam) can you get hit from behind.
22. When walking on the sidewalk can you get hit on the ass by a car.
23. Can you see owl, monkeys, and ponies paraded infront of Kreshatik metro by creepy guys.
24. Can you see men trying to lure you into taking a picture with a monkeys in diapers.
25. Can you see a camel walking down the central street with tourism promos during winter.
26. Can you stay in a by-hour-pay hotel.
27. Can you see women dressed in spandex.
28. Having a full unicolor/sweatwear outfit is fashionable.
29. Do hospitals have the same discount cards as nightclubs (Kasirnaya Karta).
30. Paying 10$ can get you a feast for kings or food poisoning- the 'class' of the place is not a factor.
31. Can you can do whatever you like...provided you can pay for it.
32. Has camping and fireworks have lost all festivial meaning and if there arn't any then something must be wrong.
33. Can you get paid more for sitting in a certain colored shirt and campsite playing cards and having fun drinking then going to work.
34. Do people consider seat belts a waste of time and such an annoyance that they are flipped around the seat to stop the safetly alarm in the car from beeping.
35. Do you see men jacking off in the middle of the street.
36. Do teletubbies not only drink and smoke, but swear and flick you off.
37. Do you avoid speeding tickets depending on how much your license plates had cost.
38. Is the underground recognizable by its distinct smell of flowers and urine. Lots of urine.
39. Are most traffic signs an 'eksperement' (experimental).
40. Do you see tanks getting fuel at local gas stations.
41. Do you mostly see fences of green color as everything is under constant construction.
42. Do you see babushkas selling religious books in the metro.
43. Is there a minister for unexpected accidents and a minister for relations with the opposition.
44. Is it more common to see stray cats and dogs then squirrels and birds (the reason for that could be the high levels of pollution, in which the birdies obviously cannot survive).
45. When a worker says he can do everything, it means that in fact he can do nothing.
46. Do people visit their local voting places more often then they visit church.
47. Can a driver be a taxi driver at his free time.
48. Do real estate prices rise 100% per year and people still buy houses/apartments.
49. Do politicians have enough time to have debates on a talk-show every day.
50. Do people have to reserve a place to chill for the weekend a day before.
51. Is every other day a religious or national holiday.
52. Do u have to pay for your ketchup in McDonald’s.
53. It is more extraordinary to see a black guy then to see on the news that one got stabbed.
54. Do you need to look both directions before crossing railroad tracks to avoid being hit by cars that are by-passing a traffic jam.
55. Do people furiously debate about the spelling of the city when it REALLY doesn’t matter. It still stays the same city!
56. A taxi driver doesn't bother to drive on the road if there's traffic: why not use the pavement? Coincidentally only in Kiev the police doesn't seem to notice that.
57. Can you find one of the highest per capita of the most expensive cars in the world.
58. Does every restaurant have sushi and borsh in the menu disregarding the restaurant's cuisine.
59. Does the word "face control" refer to how pricey you're dressed.
60. Does the phrase "My father is...so i don't give a f**k" open doors

I also found a church with underground catacombs... I think for sure I will go there.

I hope you get a laugh from the list above.

Today, I saw something I had never seen before - the escalators going down into the metro are VERY steep... I actually saw a guy in a wheelchair on the escalator - holding on to both sides - just as Dima had told me... I just didn't believe it :)

And I thought nothing could surprise me.... Well, I guess only in Russia.


Sharon said...

Michelle, I hadn't looked at your blog for a while. Since I'm on vacation I had time and was able to go back through your posts, and I really enjoyed them- very interesting.

Michelle said...

Hi Sharon! Thanks for your comment. Yes, it is quite an interesting place here - never boring for sure!